It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
