I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
