Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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