I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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