just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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