i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
