Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
