Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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