I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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