I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
