Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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