I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
