i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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