I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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