I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
