Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
