Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
