fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
