Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
