Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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