Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize