he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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