I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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