Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize