I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize