weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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