Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
