I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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