well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
