awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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