everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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