Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
