I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
