what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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