I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
