I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
