end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
