I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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