is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
