He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
