is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
