You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
