I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
