i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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