i don't like sucking hair
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
