Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize