you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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