You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
