I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
