so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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