i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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