I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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