In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
