we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
