Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
God, you're like boner-b-gone
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
