then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
