i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
