that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
