My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
