Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
