I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
