you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
