I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sarcasm needs its own font
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
