and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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