I just cut my nipple shaving
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
