sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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