Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
