The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
