people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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