come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize